April 28, 2003

• First Trip to Disneyland

  At last we made it! And it was FUN FUN FUN. I have been wanting to do this ever since I was seven years old (when Mr. and Mrs. Chin took a honeymoon trip to Disneyland and left the kids at home; returning with loads of colorful glossy maps and brochures to rub it in…)

  Every American we know has been to Disneyland so what you are about to read is likely to be all been-there-done-that stuff. For the guys back in Sydney who haven’t been to the Magic Kingdom, here’s a brief review of some of the attractions we visited. (General ratings by Lili; Cheese factor by Eddie)

  

  The Enchanted Tiki Room (Adventureland)
  Rating: 5 stars; Cheese factor: Blue Vein!

  Lili: The show begins with some light banter between four animatronic parrots (a Mexican, French, Scottish and German, complete with accents); followed by an animatronic tropical birds choir; a colored fountain display, singing animatronic flowers, and mini tikis on the walls drumming and doing the Hawaiian war chant. This was so super cheesy and awesome. It’s every 1950′s Polynesian cliche packed into a small room. We couldn’t have asked for more.

  Eddie: Yeah, I really got the impression this was the same show they’ve been doing for decades – the parrots spoke in incredibly stereotypical accents!  The German parrot (named Fritz – I kid you not) was hilarious.  I’m just amazed all these props keep on working…

   

  Tarzan’s Treehouse (Adventureland)
  Rating: 2 stars; Cheese factor: American Cheese

  Lili: What I love about Disneyland is the fakeness everywhere, especially the animatronics. So it’s no surpise that this was a giant fake tree with fake bird sounds and drumbeats. You climb up winding stairs up through the fake winding branches and bits of rope to get a glimpse into Tarzan’s secret world… Alas, the treehouse window presents an anti-climactic vision. There’s a big cartoony sculpture of Kala the wistful mother-ape, embracing a baby Tarzan, with fuzzy footage from the movie on a screen in front of her. Too corny and schmultzy for words.Thank goodness they left Phil Collins out of this.

  Eddie: Tarzan the movie sucked, and this pretty much sucked too.  What’s becoming apparent, is that Disneyland is still surviving on the strength of its ‘golden age’ movies, and things like Tarzan, Atlantis and – URRGHHH! – Treasure Planet, are just obnoxious zits that ain’t gonna attract no-one to the park.

   

  Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Frontierland)
  Rating: 3 stars; Cheese factor:Blue Vein

  Lili: I love rollercoaster rides. Wild west/canyon theme. Need I say it was all fake landscaping with more animatronic birds?

  

  Eddie with new coonskin hat from Frontierland

  Eddie: Anyone can look this good for just 8 US bucks.  And no racoon was hurt making this hat…although I’m sure some offshore sewing machinists got burned pretty badly…

  All together, now…”Born on a mountain top in Tennesseeeee…..”

   

  Mark Twain Riverboat (Frontierland)
  Rating: 3 stars; Cheese factor: American Cheese

  Lili: The massive three-storey boat drifts slowly around an island with fake (looking au naturale) Indian camps, beavers, moose, deer…  A pleasant ride but not cheesy enough.

  Eddie:  Not enough indigenous Americans attacking the invading white man.

   

  The Haunted Mansion (New Orleans Square)
  Rating: 4.5 stars; Cheese factor: Blue Vein

  Lili: The line to this was phenomenal and wound itself round and round through a maze all around the front of the mansion. We must’ve waited at least 45 minutes. This one was really cool and cheesy. We loved the spinning chairs which we rode on, the dining-room scene of (holographic) ghosts partying and dancing, the graveyard characters… All the visual effects were awesome. Well worth the wait.

  Eddie:  I thought this was gonna be so bad, and I was teasing Lili that we were gonna see guys in white sheets running around with holes cut out for the eyes.  But to my surprise, it was really fun.  Pure 1960′s ‘spooky’, but still fun.

   

  Jungle Cruise (Adventure Land)
  Rating: 4 stars; Cheese Factor: Mozzarella

  Lili: Fun and cheesy because of all the animatronic wildlife and jungle cliches. We started in a “Cambodian jungle”, and ended up on the “Nile”. Fake hippos, tigers, cobras, headhunters and natives, you name it.

  Eddie:  Again, this was like a relic from a bygone age.  Must have absolutely WOWED them in 1955…

   

  Innovations (Tomorrowland)
  Rating: 1 star; Cheese factor: Milk – no Cheese factor.
  
  Lili: We decided that Tomorrowland was our least favorite attraction. There is no cheese factor here. We entered this exhibit and escaped after 5 minutes of listening to a metallic robot (named “Tom Morrow”) ramble on about the glorious inventions of the future… Pity that Space Mountain is under construction until 2005.

  Eddie: Yeah, Tomorrowland happened and spoiled Disney’s fun.  It’s called ‘today’.

   

  Matterhorn Bobsleds (Fantasyland)
  Rating: 4.5 stars; Cheese factor: Blue Vein

  Lili: Fun and fast rollercoaster ride. Have you noticed these rides always start with a dark tunnel, then you slowly go up, up and up…. before swooping down really fast on an angle with water splashing on you at some point? The highlight had to be the animatronic Abominable Snowman near the end of the ride which had us cracking up.

  Eddie:  Yeah, this was cool!  It’s a tandem ride (i.e. I had Lili between my legs). You get buffeted so much on this ride, I suggest anyone contemplating this one, should take a fat guy to sit behind them to absorbed the shockwaves.  The Yeti was great…

   

  Pirates of the Carribean (New Orleans Square)
  Rating: 5 stars; Cheese factor: Blue Vein Thrombosis! (Off the scale)

  
  Lili: Full-on animatronics/ visual fx stuff here. Again with the dark tunnel and spooky sound fx. The ride takes you through shipwreck set-ups with stormy skies; caverns with village scenes and animatronic pirates making merry and shooting at each other. They start singing (Ahoy Ahoy) and the cheese factor rises dramatically. I liked it that this was a long and slow ride compared to the others, and you could savour the impressive work by the people who put this together.

  Eddie:  I mean, Pirates?!?  Pirates ceased to be entertainment in 1959. This was still pretty fun, though.

  

  (above) It’s a Small World: cute South American figures 

  

  The Australasia/Oceania section: with koala, wiggling platypuses, (above) a pink kangaroo, and an Easter Island MOAI!

  It’s A Small World (Fantasyland)
  Rating: 4 stars; Cheese factor: Blue vein (for the song…)

  Lili: Absolutely gorgeous designs and colors by Mary Blair. As a seven year old I’m not sure I would have appreciated this one; but it’s definitely a design masterpiece. Just never want to hear that song again…

  Eddie:  Yeah, the designs were awesome.  I just kept thinking of that Simpsons episode where they go to Duff Gardens, and Lisa drinks the water, and…

   

  The Main Street Parade
  Rating: 3.5 stars; Cheese factor: Blue Vein

  
  This was surreal. I cannot describe to you the wonderment we both felt seeing so many walk-around characters all in one place, dancing, waving and treated like royalty. For example,

  
  

  

  … guys dressed as the Chinese mushrooms (from Fantasia)
  Below – the Lion King rides a golden giraffe-drawn chariot on some fake clouds (or are they waves?) How superkitsch is this?

  

  Eddie:  This was weird – Walt’s dream of an ideal America that never existed.  It really did have a strange, surreal vibe to it.  My overall impression of Disneyland, is that it is a place where time really has stood still; the main attractions are still the characters and movies form decades ago, and I’m guessing the rides haven’t changed throughout it’s history.  But that’s its charm – kids who went with their parents, now take their own kids, and it’s exactly the same.  The fact I didn’t get to see this when I was seven years old doesn’t even matter – I’m seeing it now, just as it was then.  It will never change, and I think everyone would be upset if it did.

  Lili: … Lastly, we stayed for dinner at Blue Bayou (overpriced Cajun restaurant, in artificial Southern plantation night-time setting with lanterns) and were home by about 10pm.

  P.S. I would’ve liked to have taken more photos but our camera was sucking really badly, with its slow performance.(like taking the picture at least three seconds after you hit the button.)

  Our LA recreational diary continues… when I get my new camera next week.
  
  Link with info and pics: The Disneyland Source

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